Saturday, February 04, 2012

We Have Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself

I took a bold step this past week.

I met with the Storytellers group at church as a first step in volunteering my mad writing skillz, scarce though they may be.

There were about fifteen of us who chatted over subs and chips in the church office.  We talked for over an hour and got to know each other, what would be expected of us, and how our stories would benefit those who read.  We talked about developing scripts, videos, readings, and other aspects of the written word that could further the cause of Christ.

And then the bomb dropped.


Not only that, but when we submit writings for publication they will be critiqued by other members of the team and suggestions will be given as to how the piece can be improved.

My heart dropped into my stomach.

As someone who is self-conscious about most every aspect of my life, the prospect of an audition scares me spitless.  As a matter of fact, when I used to have to audition for plays or singing parts, I'd make myself physically sick (as in puke-o-matic) the night before from anxiety.  It wasn't that I didn't do well - I almost always did.  It was just the fact that someone could possibly tell me I was less than I hoped I was, thus cementing my fate as a loser. 

Clearly, I enjoy challenge.

As I write this I have just submitted my two samples of writing to the head of the group.  I can tell you that I have checked my email at least five times already, even though I know she will not say anything to me until the rest of the group has had a chance to read and critique my writing.  I'm nervous as a wet hen, and my husband has threatened to disconnect the Internet if I don't stop.

What will happen if I find out they don't like me?  What if my writing just plain sucks?  What if they don't want me on the team?  How will they ever let me down gently, and how will I ever show my face again?

I don't know.

But what I do know is that it was worth it to take the risk.  Because this one little risk can lead to a slightly bigger risk, and perhaps even to the eventual BIG risk if I let it.  I'll still be here to try again, even if it doesn't work out this time.

All I can do is fail....or SUCCEED!

1 comment:

Linds said...

Brilliant! The first step is putting yourself out there, and you have huge talent. YOU GO, GIRL!!