Sunday, March 21, 2010

Weight, Weight - Don't Tell Me

I abhor the set of scales at the doctor's office.

Because of this, I am patenting a new invention along the lines of the story The Emperor's New Clothes.

I intend to purchase a set of scales and weld it permanently to the position of 125 lbs. I will take the scales with me no matter where I go, and use only this one, true, good and righteous set of scales which obviously declares my one, true, good and righteous weight.

That way, no matter how much my body decides to bloom, I will always weigh 125 lbs. No more, no less. When people look at me with shocked expressions and ask (rather impolitely) how much I weigh now, I will honestly be able to say 125 lbs.

Because the scale says so. The one, true, good and righteous scale.

This way I can remain the perfect weight and still eat chocolate. I can be the perfect weight and not worry about that venti-iced-mocha-nonfat-w/whipped that I imbibed in yesterday, because today?

Today I weigh 125 lbs. The one, true, good and righteous scale says so.

I think it will catch on and I may make millions from the sale of these contraptions.

Of course, by then the bank will have figured out how to set the balance in my account to zero no matter how much money is added, so it may make no difference whatsoever.

But if you ever see these scales for sale, heard it here first.


Debbie said...

Bwwwaahahahahaha! I definitely need one of these! The n urse at the dr office knows to not even ask me to get on the scale!!! What does weight have to do with a runny nose????

groovyoldlady said...

I'll take TWO!!!! (One for each bathroom) And do you have a mini version for my purse?