Friday, May 22, 2009

Getting Through Year One

I keep wondering if this year of firsts will ever stop. More than that, I wonder if I'll make it through sometimes.

Tonight was Nephew's graduation. Sis has been having a bad week of it, remembering how she promised that if it was within her power, Mom would get to be there.

Only it wasn't within her power. But in a way, Mom was still there.

We were sitting next to each other as the graduates started the processional up the aisle. I knew how hard this was for Sis. Nevertheless, I couldn't stop the blasted tears. I kept seeing Mom sitting in a seat between us, all made up and dressed to the nines, purse in her lap and a smile on her face. She would have been so proud of Nephew.

So, I turned my head the other way and pretended to be interested in something on the other side of me, all the while blubbering and snotting away. But then I sneaked a peak at Sis.

She was doing exactly the same thing.

She looked at me and I looked at her. She said, "I. MISS. MOM." And we both cried together.

After a few minutes we calmed down and started wondering what Mom would think of the sorry lot we were. She wasn't much for emotional displays as we were growing up. That's not the way she was brought up. We imagined her telling us to straighten up and stop the tears, that there was nothing to cry about. We joked about some of her other key sayings when faced with tears as well, and by the time the ceremony started we were fine.

The next big date coming up is June 12, the day Mom called us for help. After that will be her birthday, July 29. Of course, we hope to have the sale in the near future, and that will be hard as well.

But we're getting through it, scars and all, leaning on each other.

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