Saturday, November 17, 2007

Day Seventeen - In Which I Go To Prison For Posting On My Blog

Well, almost.

This is how it went....

I have this psuedo-job at the movie theater fifteen minutes away from home. It entails me watching the first fifteen minutes of whatever movie they assign me and reporting on the trailers and ads. One of the side benefits of this is that the managers of the theater consider me to be a psuedo-employee, and so they allow me to watch any movies I want to watch while I'm working.

Tonight I saw Dan In Real Life for the third or fifth time, and I started to watch Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. I say started to watch it because I knew full well that I wouldn't be able to watch the whole thing. You see, the show started at 10:45 p.m., and I had to be home before midnight to post on Ye Olde Blog to be sure the rules of NaBloPoMo were followed.

Because after all, I only had about twenty three and a half hours to post before then, and we all know how hard it is to come up with a post in only twenty three and a half hours. Give or take a few minutes.


I had it timed down to the last second. I left the show twenty minutes before midnight, stopped in the bathroom for a quick pitstop, and made my way out the door after bidding the guys at the front desk goodnight.

It was then I found I'd left my keys in the bathroom. At the far end of the theater.

I had to bang on the door to get them to let me back in, and I walked VERY fast to retrieve the wanton keys. I rushed back out the door and to my car.

Tick tock, tick tock....

The timing was all off now. I'd really have to hurry to get home in time. I got on the highway and sped down it, doing just over the speed limit. Ten minutes to go.

Tick tock, tick tock....

I got off on my exit. The speed limit was 45 MPH, so I slowed down. Six minutes to go.

Tick tock, tick tock....

I decided to call my daughter and have her post something for me just in case I couldn't make it in time. While I was on the phone I really didn't pay attention to anything other than the time.
Two minutes to midnight.

Tick tock, tick tock....

And then I saw them.

The bright flashing lights we all know and love. Those wonderful Protectors of the Peace. The Brave in Blue.

I was nailed.

I pulled into a bank parking lot and parked. The officer pulled up behind me and came up to my window.

"Ma'am, did you realize you were doing 58 in a 40 back there?"

Gulp. Uh, no. Really I didn't. My mind was kind of things. I apologized and told him I really had no idea how fast I was going. I handed him my driver's license.

"Do you have your proof of insurance with you?"

Immediately I start digging through my glove compartment. Let's see....old socks, stuffed toys, the manual to the, no proof of insurance in sight. I apologized to the officer again.

"Have you had any tickets in the last 3-5 years?"

Now, that's a sore subject. I can't really remember how long ago it's been, but there was a streak I had there when I was getting tickets fairly regularly. Even went to jail once for one of them....but that's another story. I told him I couldn't remember.

He said if he could he'd just write me the ticket for no proof of insurance and let the speeding ticket go. Unless, of course, he found I was some sort of derelict driver, and then he'd have to write the speeding ticket. I thanked him and he went back to his car.

It bothered me that I couldn't produce my proof of insurance. I KNEW I had it somewhere. Sure enough, when I looked in my wallet there it was!

So, when the Very Nice Policeman came back to the car, I asked him, "If, hypothetically, a person was being given a ticket for not having proof of insurance and then hypothetically FOUND her proof of insurance, which would be more expensive? The speeding ticket she would get in its place, or the ticket for no proof of insurance? Hypothetically speaking, that is."

The officer laughed and said the speeding ticket would certainly run much more. At that point I carefully placed my insurance card back into my purse along with my driver's license and said, "Well then, it's a good thing I couldn't find mine, huh?"

The officer laughed loudly and said, "Ma'am, I like the way you think!" He then commended me on my good driving record (whew!) and handed me the ticket. He told me all I had to do was take my proof of insurance by the police station and the ticket would be no fine, no record. He then told me if I'd "found" my proof of insurance, the speeding ticket would have cost over $118.00.

I blessed him repeatedly and was even going to offer to bear his children. Then I figured out I was way too old and lacked the necessary parts for that, so I just blessed him some more.

And I drove like the old lady I am all the way home.


HeyJules said...

Oh, to have been a fly on the window of that car!

Linds said...

I shrieked when I read this. Oh my word, you have made my day. And you could possibly have set a record. First near arrest due to blogging urgency!