Saturday, February 10, 2007

Of Fruit and Fairness and Fighting

Some things in this life are just hard.

Not hard like tying a knot in a maraschino cherry stem using only your mouth. Not hard like trying to do "Aging Asthmatic Dog Rising Toward Sun" as a yoga pose when you clearly ARE an aging asthmatic dog in real life. Not hard like coming to the last spoonful of hot fudge in the sundae and having your child with the puppy-dog-eyes ask if he can have it, even though you've been saving that particular bite of delicious goo for yourself.

Nope. Not like that at all.

So what IS hard? Two hyphenated words.


There. I said it. It's out in the open for anyone to see.

I have a hard time controlling myself.

It's a hard thing to admit, especially for a woman who likes to be in control of things. I know it's a fruit of the Spirit. That's just a fact, and one I cannot deny. It says so right in the Word.
What I have a hard time accepting is that this particular fruit pretty much rots right on the tree where I'm concerned. I don't even pick it so that I can put it in the refrigerator to use later when all the chocolate is gone. If I did, it would grow fur and have to be thrown out anyway, so why start that whole mess?

The areas I lack self-control are numerous. They include: eating, exercise, feeling sorry for myself, daily devotions, housework...I could go on and on. Fortunately, this is one area in which I have some self-control.

Just for kicks, let's concentrate on one area, and please, if you're in the same club, shout out!


Not just anything, but everything.



I think you catch my drift here.

There really are days when it doesn't bother me at all. Then there are weeks of benders, stuffing everything that isn't nailed down into my mouth. I know exactly what I'm doing as I'm doing it, I know I shouldn't be doing it, I know I'll pay for it later, I know it isn't what God wants me to do, I know I'm not even hungry...and still it happens. It's as if something has taken control of my hands and mouth. I can't seem to stop them from doing what I KNOW is wrong. I even tell myself it's wrong AS I CONTINUE TO DO IT. Because once I get started, ain't nuthin' gonna stop THIS train!

So how do I overcome it?

It's a question I've dealt with for my entire life.

I also wonder why it is God made me this way. Why is it that some people have the ability to eat until they are full, then stop? Why is it that they can leave food on their plates, candy in the box, and cookies in the jar? Why is it that they can remain slim and not have to fight the constant battle I have to fight?

Where is the FAIRNESS in that, God?

And then I realize that God put me on earth for a reason. He didn't put me here to simply live my life with no struggle. If I had everything come to me easily, I'd never learn a thing. It's the things I have to work hardest for that I appreciate the most. That's where the sense of accomplishment comes in. There's joy to be had in overcoming sin. Real, true joy.

Unfortunately, failure is a part of the learning process. At this rate I should be a genius in the weight control department. I should have the Nobel Prize sitting right there on the mantel.

Oh yes ma'am, I surely should.

And so the struggle continues. Daily. Hourly. Minute by minute, second by second.

I hope there will be one day when I can look back on this and realize what it was I needed to learn about life, myself, and God through all of this. And I hope it will happen before I'm too old to appreciate it.

Until then, I'll continue trying to tie that stem of self-control into a knot that will stay.

Colossians 1:29
That’s why I work and struggle so hard, depending on Christ’s mighty power that works within me.

1 comment:

Susanne said...

Well you are definitely not alone in this area! I wondered the same things as you. I think this is one of those areas I will always have to really lean on the Lord and walk minute by minute.