Dry Bones

It's been pretty dry lately. The well seems to be empty. Parched. Dusty.

That's not how it is weather-wise. We've been having some nice, soaking rain here for the past couple of days. What I'm talking about is the state of my heart.

I've had a hard time writing about anything lately, much less anything that has to do with God. I've been wondering why it's been so difficult to put on paper what my heart has to say, and I finally figured it out.

My heart is empty.

I had to ask myself why. Why is it that with a God so loving, so kind, so gracious, so sovereign and majestic...why is it that I have nothing to say about Him? I know that I love Him. I know that He loves me. I know there are things He wants me to say, things He wants me to write, things He wants me to tell others about.

So why won't He give me the words?

I had to look back over time to really get a clearer picture. What was different? What was getting in the way of my relationship with my Father? Why wasn't my heart aching to know Him more, to love Him more, to do anything I could to draw closer to Him? Why had my times of worship become more a show for others and less about honoring the God who created me? Why was it that He felt so far away?

The answer wasn't pretty.

When I first fell in love with my husband, I wanted to spend all of my waking hours with him. I wanted to find out everything I could about him. I wanted to hear about anything that was important to him and I wanted to please him in every way I could. I wanted to become a part of him and have him become a part of me. I wanted the two of us to become one.

That feeling faded over the years, because I started taking our life together for granted. I thought I knew all there was to know about my husband. His likes, his dislikes, his habits, his desires, his dreams. All of that I thought I knew. After all, we've been married for sixteen years. What could there possibly be that I don't know about him by now? Why should I put effort into learning any more about someone I obviously know so intimately?

I couldn't have been more wrong.

You see, if you love someone as I love him, you delve deeper. You develop the relationship even more over time. You take the time to show him that he's just as important to you today as he was when you first fell in love. Time to discuss and learn even more, time to forge stronger bonds. Time to nurture your connection. Time to not only become one, but time to remain one.

My relationship with God is no different. From the moment we met I wanted to know all I could about Him. What His desires were, how I could please Him, how He wanted me to live this life here on earth. I wanted to know His most secret thoughts. I wanted to become one with Him and to develop a love that could not be broken. I wanted to have a relationship with Him that would surpass any other here on earth. I wanted to know that I was His and He was mine, forever and always.

Over time I have come to take that relationship for granted. You'd think I would learn, but it seems I'm a slow study in this department. I keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

I know that God loves me. I know that as sure as I know anything on this earth. I also know He cares about me enough to draw me closer to Him through any means possible. Sometimes that means getting my attention by a holy 2 X 4 up beside the head. Other times it means getting my attention in another way.

Silence.

The kind of silence that leaves you yearning for words. The deep, aching silence you hear that makes you stop and think. The silence you feel inside an empty heart. It's louder than any alarm.

When I stop hearing from God, it doesn't take long for me to figure out what's wrong. I know that He hasn't lost His love for me, or His longing for me to be with Him. He hasn't changed. He's still the same God I fell in love with in the beginning.

The problem lies with me. My lack of caring enough to spend time with Him, my callous attitude, my ignoring the need for time spent listening to Him through His Word, and my disregard of the purposeful development of our relationship.

I have to change. I have to take the steps necessary to bring our relationship back to what it once was. I have to make the move. I want to know Him again. I want to hear His voice. I want to worship Him in TRUTH. I want to feel His Spirit afresh and anew.

I want to fall in love with Him all over again.

Lord, forgive me for letting my love for You become an everyday thing. Help me to realize the importance of prayer, spending time alone with You, and learning from Your Word. I want to draw close to You again, Lord. Help me to know Your heart. Help me to love You as you deserve to be loved, for who and what You are.

Psalm 63:1
O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water. New American Standard Bible © 1995 Lockman Foundation