Letting Go

I just threw away a calendar...from 2010.

Something inside me doesn't want to let go of the past.

I know it's silly and somewhat packrat-ish to horde calendars from years ago.  I really do.  But when I look back at those calendars they become a journal of sorts for me.  The day my grandson or granddaughter was born, the last time I had my teeth cleaned, deaths of loved ones, anniversaries...they all come to mind when I look at bygone years.

I have a great fear that I'll forget those important times in my life.  Those are the events that made me what I am, like it or not.  So throwing out a calendar is a traumatic thing for me.

Now those of you who are "glass half full" people will say, "Why dwell on the past?  You have your whole future ahead!  Live in the NOW!"  I know, because I live with one of those people.  He can't remember what we had for dinner last night, much less our anniversary.  But in all his forgetfulness, he is still one of the happiest people I know.  He lives in the moment.

Maybe it's because I watched one of my grandparents slowly waste away from Alzheimer's.  Her memories were taken from her, bit by bit.  If I have mine written down and kept safe, it may be that they could remind me of my life as it once happened.

Then again, there are things that are best forgotten.  The times I treated family and friends with disregard, the stupidity of my youth, and the hurt caused by unpleasant people are certainly not things I care to think about.

So for now, I'll throw out the calendars of the past and look to the future to provide new moments to treasure.  Who knows?  I may find that half-full glass among the memories waiting to happen.