Honest to pete, there is a heating pad gremlin in this house. At the moment I can find three.
Heating pad number one is plugged in next to my bed upstairs, but it doesn't work. Strike one.
Heating pad number two I found underneath The Girl's bed. It suffers from heating pad menopause, whereby parts of it get extremely hot for no reason whatsoever. Then it gets flushed and starts fanning itself to cool off, which does me absolutely no good whatsoever.
Heating pad the third is the super deluxe model I bought a while back. I took it with me on my little excursion to the lake a few months ago. Unfortunately, it happened to be in the same bag with a bottle of shampoo that opened itself. Being as I don't know how to get the shampoo out of the heating pad without getting it wet (because the directions specifically say "Do Not Get This Infernal Thing Wet Or Risk Electrocuting Your Somewhat Stupid Self Because Hello? The Water And The Electricity? Not A Good Mix.) it is unusable as well.
I actually had yet another heating pad that is fairly new around here somewhere, but it seems to have disappeared into the Black Hole we're so famous for populating. Nary a sight of it anywhere. The Girl denies taking it to school, and I've run out of places to look.
Plan B is to resort to taking another Darvocet or two to try to get some semblance of sleep. Although when I do that it gets rather hard to wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning. More like bleary-eyed and draggy-tailed. Those are the mornings my receptionist doesn't even ask - she just hands me the cup and points me toward the coffee machine.
I love that woman.
By the way, the hair from last night? I thought it would brighten up the highlights I still had and show off my gray as blonde highlights and I'd have a flippy new way to inexpensively do something creative with my pate.
What happened was less than stellar. Apparently my gray is not as noticeable as highlights are, and the beige blonde color I got is just a couple of shades off from gray, so there was almost no change to the way my hair looked.
Guess I'm going to the Bargain Barn sometime soon.
Tomorrow night: The whole ugly truth about why the heating pad was so stupidly important tonight and why the Darvocet has become my candy of choice. Warning - it probably isn't going to be funny, and it will probably be really boring. I'll understand if all three of you skip this one.