Please Hold

My life is spent on hold.

At this moment I am on hold with a certain cell phone company we'll call Hint, because it's obvious they have nary a hint as to what they're doing (also it rhymes with the REAL name. "Oh really?" you say. "Whatever could it be?" To which I answer "DUH.")

If, by any odd and unreasonable chance, I am ever to hear the hold music for this company at some sort of party or function or in some waiting room or elevator I fully intend to start foaming at the mouth and running around on all fours. No one person should be subjected to the same six notes played on a French horn over and over and over and over and over again. It really is considered a form of torture in some cultures. Look it up.

And yet I find I put my life on the very same hold pattern all the time (sans irritating music). I realize there are things in my life I want to do, but something inside me puts them "on hold" for indefinite periods of time.

For instance: I want to completely finish the living room. Have it DONE. Not have to worry about what's going up on the walls, what knick-knacks should be where, if it all comes together as a cohesive unit, if it looks good or not. But I cannot seem to MOVE on it.

The office has been clear of extra furniture since last Sunday. But instead of getting down to the task of sorting through things, deciding what needs to go and what needs to stay, organizing and cleaning, I have sat. Sat and looked at the mess and wondered how on earth I was going to begin. Frozen.

Point me in the right direction, tell me what to do to begin, get me started, and I'm a whirlwind. But leave me alone to my own devices and I will stand, unsure of where to start, feet planted firmly in Doing Nothing Land.

I'm hoping to get into one of my organizing moods soon. I think I'll need it to survive this next season, what with the sale at Mom's coming up.

As for the rest of my time here on earth? I'd like to do some writing. I'd like to travel. I'd like to build my cabin on some land in the woods. I'd like to be skinny. I'd like to learn how to ballroom dance. I'd like to enjoy more grandbabies and see the grandchildren I have more. I want to LIVE my life instead of sitting it out.

And I want to get OFF of HOLD.