Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Turn, Turn, Turn

The thank-you notes have been written, the sympathy cards have slowed to a trickle, and I have gone back to work. Hugs still come a few a day from co-workers who haven't seen me since I've been back, and I managed to get through the workday without crying for the first time. I'm slowly, very slowly, getting back into the swing of things. Back into real life.

But the fact remains that Mom is dead.

I honestly thought I might get through the entire day today without crying. I was feeling pretty cocky, pretty sure of myself. Then The Girl came in the door from work and told me one of her co-workers had offered her some lotion tonight.

It was the same scent Mom used to buy at this time of year. Every year.

It didn't matter that I hated the scent. It was just a trigger that set things off. And lo, the prideful me fell in a weeping mess yet again.

I'm getting really tired of this. I'm ready for this part to be over. I'd like to be on to the Loving Memories and Fond Laughter now, please.

Sis said someone told her that when his mom died he cried once a day for six weeks, once a week for six months, and once a month for six years. I'd like to be at least in the middle part of that equation, please. NOW.

But...

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance..."
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-4)

So I'll weep and mourn a little more.

And pardon me if I share it here.

4 comments:

Mary said...

Please be kind to yourself. You have just been through an incredibly emotional and heartbreaking time - mixed with the blessing of knowing your mum is now in a glorious place.

Mourning is a delicate thing. There are no real set rules. I am sure you will have many emotions - and it is okay to share these emotions as they happen - be it loving memories, fond laughter, tears, shutdowns or whatever.

I'm glad you share on your post.

You are a blessing.

HeyJules said...

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Unfortunately, that timeline you spoke of looks eerily familiar. The thing to remember is there will be laughter in the future...and joy...and new grandbabies and graduations and anniversaries.

And it will stir the pot every time but it will eventually stir it with the good memories you speak of and not the red eyes and running noses.

I promise.

kate said...

Hi Chris,
It is now 18 months since my beloved Mum died. Not one day of that has gone by without me thinking of her or hearing favourite phrases of hers in my head.
Christmas is always a searching time for me - when I remember all the fun and laughter of my childhood and yet the people who made it so are no longer with me...
Except in my head - where I still enjoy their company.

Take it easy....
Kate

Pilot Mom said...

(((Chris))) Hugs to you my dear friend! Time normally flies by for us but when there has been a loss it sure seems to crawl. I can remember when my dad died I wished my "year" was up and he had only been dead for a day!!! Of course, it wasn't quite like that with my mom, what with all the 'other stuff' going on with Jim.

It helps me to remember that my mom (and dad and brother) are really not dead. In fact, I would dare say they are more alive than you and I are right now! :) Which just means that I'm going to be a 'tad' late to the celebration.

I have been praying for you, Chris. An email is on the way...