Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Today Is "Feel Sorry For Me Day"

And what a day it's been.

Yesterday there were a few upheavals having to do with Mom that left me dreaming about Donny Osmond in a purple double-knit suit, pastoring a church that I attended wearing only a bra and slacks while counseling one of the pastor's wives about having to raise her daughter's premature infant son.

Yeah, I slept REALLY well. Not.

Then around 6:30 a.m. I got a phone call from Hubster. His vehicle had broken down and he needed me to drive the car out to where he was and to have The Girl follow me. I dropped the car off, then had The Girl take me over to Mom's house so I could use her car to go to work. Thankfully, my cousins, who are staying there for a few days, were up and had coffee on. I sat there in my unshowered, unkempt state and talked until I was late for work, then headed home to shower.

Arriving at work late, I went to my desk and decided that since everyone on the floor was gone on vacation except me, I was going to have a good cry.

And cry I did.

For two and a half solid hours.

I'd just get over one bout, and then I'd think of something else to cry about, so I'd start up again. I cried about anything and everything imaginable. I cried because I needed to. I cried because of All The Stress. I cried because of Lack of Funds. I cried because of Transmissions That Go Out In The Night. I cried because of Mom and Doctors. I cried because of License Plates. I cried because I felt bad. I cried because I am hopeless when it comes to cleaning my house. I cried because I am so very tired of living my life the way I have to now. I cried because I can see no end to any of the day-to-day stuff I have to deal with.

And after I was done crying, I gave it all to God once again and I stopped.

Tomorrow is another day. It's another chance to start over. Another chance to try again.

And "Feel Sorry For Me Day" doesn't come around for another month.


Linds said...

Good. You need to let it out. Don't get to the stage where you bottle it all up for so long, that you forget how to let go. Like me. And tell your kids you are struggling to cope and why. They need to know it is ok to struggle.

Have I told you how proud I am of you? You are one amazing woman, my friend.

Just Me said...

I totally 'hear' ya! I'm having one of those stretching into a week, myself! But..I don't think it's wrong to finally give in and have a good cry...even a sense of feeling 'sorry' for ourselves! (I mean...if WE dont, who will?!! Since everyone but God, thinks we are super women, and can handle everything! Surprise!! we aren't ..but we probably will never tell the rest of the world!)..Seriously...I think God just moves in right beside us when we have that 'head down on the desk' moment..and puts His arm around us and says, "Now, I can finally fill you up - since all the stuff that's been cloggin you up, is coming out!"...So, I'm on my fourth box of kleenex...but feeling better every day - hope you are too!

HeyJules said...

Me thinks things might just be looking up a bit in the somewhat near future...

See you at Starbucks...

groovyoldlady said...

Oh my...I'm almost a week late, but (((((((((((Chris))))))))))).