Friday, April 04, 2008

Is It Real, Or Is It....

Welcome to the virtual me.

Wanna meet the virtual you? Thanks to Bev for the tip, you can do it at Landsend.com. And here, too. That's where I met another virtual me. She looks like this:
And while I know both of these me-type persons are about enough to knock your socks off, I must point out discrepancies in each. In the clothed model, you will note the thighs and behind seem to be in somewhat normal proportions.

Don't be fooled.

Underneath those jeans that woman has virtual flab that has been condensed to the point of seam rippage. Those jeans are so tight she can't even breathe, much less sit down or walk. Her behind is another good half an axe handle wider than it appears, and she's either got some undergarments of steel on right now or it's just a matter of time before the dam bursts.

I'd head for cover if I were you, and I'd do it fast.

Now Model Number Two obviously has a falsely elevated self-esteem. She clearly believes herself to be God's gift to mankind, even though it is clear God never meant for her to wear those type of garments during the lifetime she has been given. Because if He had, in His infinite wisdom He would have at least given her some that would have covered the parts she should have had enough sense to cover.

But apparently He didn't gift her with any sense, either.

Her hair is too long, and her behind is too flat. It should stick out so much it could be used as a shelf to carry groceries if need be. I mean after all, what good is having a big butt if you can't put it to some use?

And now we come to Virtualista Number Three.
This is what Number Two would look like if she lost 80 lbs.

Her hair is still too long. And excuse me, but if you think "the girls" are going to be that perky after being stretched out to a triple-Z cup without some major surgical intervention, you've got another think coming. Where are the stretch marks? Where are the wrinkles?

Methinks Virtualista needs to get a clue.

In the meantime, you'll have to excuse us. Number One has to get out of those jeans, and Number Two was thinking about raiding the digital fridge.

Me? I'm going to bed.

5 comments:

Linds said...

It's me!!!! It's me!!!!! Good heavens, that is scary. You had me rolling with laughter here. I am off to eat chocolate.

Linds said...

I meant to add that I am meeting Morning Glory in 5 weeks and had visions of me as a new streamlined version. Hah. No chance. Sigh.

Susanne said...

LOL! #2 has the teeniest little feet! I went and tried the virtual me but I'm not brave enough to post it! I was fun though trying on different hair styles. LOL.

HeyJules said...

You seriously crack me up. I personally think that Marge there in your blog side panel is the truest representation of who you are. Except I don't believe you have a shirt with stars on the front. But other than that... I'm just sayin'...

:-)

His Singer said...

Linds: NO CHOCOLATE. At least not without ME along!

Susanne: C'mon, girlfriend! Lessee what you REALLY look like!...Virtually!

Jules: You speak not with forked tongue, Kimo Sabe. Marge is the most like my PERSONALITY, but the "girls" are still way too small.... :-)