Ouch.1 Samuel 15:22
But Samuel replied, “What is more pleasing to the Lord: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams."
Gee, God. You really know how to hit a gal where it hurts, huh?
Yes, I've been doing pretty much what I want to do the way I want to do it when and how I want to do it with no thought whatsoever about the way YOU want me to do it. That's pretty much a given.
But hey, it's YOUR fault. You were the One who let ME down!
I lost FORTY STINKING POUNDS. FORTY POUNDS!!! Do You even realize what kind of sacrifices I had to make to do that?
OK, let me rephrase that.
I was disciplined. I stuck to my eating plan. I didn't eat what I wasn't supposed to and ate what I was supposed to. I didn't falter. I didn't fail. I was faithful.
And then I plateaued.
Month after month went by, and still I stayed at the same weight. So who wouldn't start to eat a little here and a little there that they weren't supposed to? I mean after all, I worked so hard! I deserved to keep losing.
Oh, I see. You're going to bring up that EXERCISE thing again, huh?
No, I didn't exercise while I was losing the weight. Not even when I plateaued. Not even when I started to gain again.
Not at all.
And so here I am, back at the same weight I was before I started this whole thing over a year and a half ago. At least I hope it's just that much. I've been too scared to look at the scales.
And so I blame You.
Not me, the one who rebelled yet again and refused to exercise.
Not me, who found out what it was like to have pain-free knees and feet after I lost the weight, only to have the pain return in spades after I gained it back.
Not me, who was almost asthma-free until the fat came home to roost again.
Not me, the one who suffers from daily acid reflux now.
Not me, the one who can't fit into anything but her fat clothes again.
Oh no, not me.
Because, You see, if I can blame You, I don't have to take responsibility for my own actions. I can pretend that it isn't my fault. I can put my disobedience to rest on YOU instead of where it belongs...squarely on my shoulders.
You could've at least taken a little sandpaper to the 2 X 4 first, Lord.
I'm just sayin'....
3 comments:
Wail! I am SO there with you. Ok, girl, down to business then. The buck stops here. I am not into public humiliation, but you and I can start a mutual support thing if you like. Christmas target to have lost weight. I need some glamour in my life. You ready?
And God can put down that 2x4. Or use it to BUILD something.
Your honesty is refreshing. It sounds like you're ready to turn yourself around and make some changes. I pray that I am too. Inch by inch and step by step and hour by hour... help us Jesus!
Your sister in Christ and soldier in the battle,
Martha
Listen girlfriend. You get on that treadmill or join that health club or watch Richard Simmons (giggle, SNORT!) and stop fooling around. God wants you strong and healthy so He can actually USE you!
Post a Comment