Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I Have Broken The Law


For the past several days I've been having a bit of a problem with the intake of the ol' oxygen.

Now, it's nothing I normally worry about, since every time the temperature goes above 90 degrees F for any period of time or the pollen count goes up or there's bad air quality or a pigeon passes gas in outer Tasmania this seems to happen.

However, this is one of those times when it's gone a little further than normal.

Tonight I went to the Urgent Care (which just happens to be my usual doctor's office) to see the Urgent Care doctor (which, surprise! just happens to be my regular physician). He decided I had asthmatic bronchitis and gave me one of those lovely shots in the behind that our mothers always warned us about when we were little. You know, the if-you-don't-behave-yourself-while-we're-in-the-doctor's-office-I'll-tell-him-to-give-you-a-shot-with-a-needle-THIS-LONG warnings?

Yeah, one of those.

And remember the other thing Mama always said? Besides to always have a clean bellybutton because if you didn't the doctor would see it and have to give you a shot with a needle THIS LONG?

Yeah. The unwritten but oft spoken

Law of The Drawers.

THOU SHALT NOT WEAR HOLEY UNDERWEAR TO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, YEA, EVEN UNTO DEATH.

And by "holey" I know you realize I do not mean sacred in any way, shape or form.

Oh no, Ma'am.

And even though I'm half a century old, do you think I pay any attention when my mama speaks on matters such as this?

I didn't think so.

And so, as I stood there in that doctor's office, clad in naught but the tattered remnants and memories of Victoria's Secrets past, I knew I could do one of two things: I could either shame my mama and die a thousand deaths inside, or I could take the higher ground and do what I did.

I hid my underwear in my pants as I pulled them down around my hips and pretended they were just too sexy to be seen. And I apologized to my mama in my heart of hearts for all the times I never listened when I should have.

And for my penance, I did not utter a sound when the needle THIS LONG pierced my delicate bum.

Not a single, solitary sound.

7 comments:

HeyJules said...

Ooow! You sexy thang, you!

Been there. Done that.

But now I rotate out the bad 'un's on a regular basis. Just in case. Because now that I have heart disease one never knows when someone might actually take a glance at the holiest of old lady underwear and I refuse to hav emy mama standing over my casket as she apologizes to everyone for the condition of my skivvies.

Hope you're feeling better soon. Let me know if ya need anything besides prayer.

xoxoxo

Jackie said...

Sorry about the O2 problem, but that was HALARIOUS!!!

Linds said...

I am going to throw out my entire underwear collection right this minute. I have been thinking just what you have re Mother's warnings, and they certaily do not pass inspection. No way. Ever. Sigh. I do hope you are feeling better though. Look after yourself.

SingForHim 94 @ Real Life said...

LOL! O desperately need new undies! I am going to use your story as a motivation to actually get some!

(((((HUGS))))) sandi said...

HA HA HA HA HA! OH MY! I am laughing sooo hard! I first learned about not goin' out without clean drawers from my MIL, actually.... (((((HUGS))))) sandi~you made my day!

Mrs. M said...

*gasp!*

Laughing about the knickers, though sorry about the reason they're a topic of discussion.

Pilot Mom said...

What a great one! I'm laughing...hard laughing! It feels so good! ;)

I know xactly what you mean. And, I confess, I have done the same thing.

I do hope you are beginning to feel better. I'm struggling here in UT because of all the fires in our state. cough cough...