Please, Officer - Just Shoot Me...

Let me just start by saying I have nothing but respect for our men and women in blue and or tan. Really. NOTHING but respect.

And I'm not just saying that because I think any one of them just might be reading this blog and after doing so, might just want to hunt me down like the dog they just might think I am and arrest me for no good reason just to get back at me or anything. Really.

That said, I must admit to having one of the worst nights possible in terms of entertainment value and bang for your proverbial buck. And it was all thanks to one of those wonderful men in blue. And he really was in blue and not tan.

My daughter is 15. In our state, she has to get a learner's permit in order to be able to drive a car, and she has to have an adult with her at all times while she is learning to drive. At 16 she will be eligible to take her intermediate driver's test, which will allow her to drive for the first 6 months with one adult passenger. After that, she will be able to drive with three passengers, and it goes on from there. It's called a graduated driver's license. A very good idea in my book, and I'm glad the state came up with it. From the looks of it, it will save a lot of teenagers and parents from having to deal with what could be devastating results of teenaged driving.

However, there's one problem. My daughter is too scared to take the first test. She's afraid she'll flunk it.

In order to help her out, I found a wonderful little class to help her with the learning of The Book. It was advertised as a fun and informational way to prepare for the learner's permit test. It promised to aid and abet my daughter in her pursuit of vehicular freedom by telling her everything she'd ever want to know about the test, including possible questions. I was excited to be able to provide this exceptional learning opportunity to my offspring, and I was sure she'd be just as excited as I was.

Wrong. Oh, so very wrong.

"What kind of STUPID thing IS this??? And WHY did you sign me up without even ASKING me first??? This is going to be SO LAME!!!" Tender words from the girl-child of my heart, as I informed her of the opportunity afforded her. My daughter is nothing if not appreciative of my thoughtfulness.

I assured her it was going to be a great class, and by the time she was done with it she'd be able to pass the test with flying colors. She would have no need for fear. No need to be apprehensive. No need to dread. The Class would provide her with a solid foundation. A firm footing on which to base her driving knowledge. Yes indeed, The Class might just very well be the deciding factor in whether or not she actually passed the test.

And so, after suffering through a verbal barrage of why-do-I-have-to-do-thisses and if-I-see-ANYBODY-I-know-we-are-SO-leavings we ventured to the library tonight for The Class. Of course, being of the gene pool we are, we were five minutes late and the class had already started. A rather large, imposing state highway patrolman was leading this little seminar, and there were what appeared to be four other young adults who had been forced there by their respective parents, along with one other parent. All of the teenagers appeared bored and uncommunicative, including my little angel. It was more than obvious that none of them wanted to be there.

The lights were dimmed, and the officer was showing a short clip on driving safety. After the clip was over, he announced he was going to stress the importance of seat belts throughout the class because of their obvious importance. And stress it he did.

What followed can only be described as Officer Bob and His Traveling Film Clip Show. For the next solid hour we were subjected to clip after clip, mangled car after mangled car, accident replay after accident replay, until it all merged together into one big nightmare.

Oh yes, it did.

Silently, each one of us in our own special way was screaming, "Oh my WORD, are you EVER going to get to the REASON we CAME HERE???" Not that showing these scenes to teenagers who believe themselves to be above the laws of physics, accidents and acts of God is bad...quite the contrary. But there's such a thing as OVERKILL, especially among your typical teenage crowd.

Finally, one hour and ten minutes in, with a big grin on his face, he said, "Well, let's take a look at the book!"

And look at the book we did. As he READ from it. To teenagers. Who rolled their eyes when he wasn't looking.

To be fair, he only read excerpts - not the whole thing by any means. He showed the kids where the sample questions were at the back of the book, and told them those questions might or might not be on the test. He told them they didn't have to worry about chapter 15, because that had to do with getting a chauffer's license. He told them to study hard and learn the whole book. He wished them luck.

It took all of ten minutes.

And the class was over.

I now have a teenaged daughter who will remember this as the night Mom made her suffer through a LAME class and ALL THEY DID was WATCH FILM CLIPS OF WRECKS ALL NIGHT LONG and I could have been studying for my French test, but NOOOOOOOOO. I TOLD HER it was going to be like this, but SHE WOULDN'T LISTEN!

My grandchildren's grandchildren will tell the story. I will never live it down.

He shoulda just shot me, right then and there.