The night could have been better. I wouldn't have complained.
Yesterday I went to the RA doc to see why my new medication is providing me with a rash and a great amount of swelling at the injection site. Turns out I'm allergic. This was the first of many joys.
Secondly, I have been having trouble with mundane things like sitting, walking, and sleeping. My hips and feet have been giving me fits. Doc did an x-ray, and found the RA has affected the hips and SI joint. Joy number two.
Thirdly, when I tried to get some sleep last night, I was unable to get comfortable. Again, the hip thing. The pain prevented me from sleeping in bed, so I came down to the recliner. However, even that proved to be futile, so I went back to bed after taking a muscle relaxer. Three hours later, Hubster woke me up so I could call in to work and tell them I was sick. Joy three.
It is now noon, and I've been awake for an hour. The pain pills are working fairly well, and I'm back in the recliner. My fingers are swollen to the point where I can type, but not well.
I know that God has a purpose for all of this. Truly I do. I know He can see where this is all going even if I can't, and I know He will take care of whatever I need. He WILL.
But sometimes...
Sometimes I just wish it would all be better. That my meds would miraculously take care of all the hurting. That my house would be clean, that I would do what I'm supposed to do to be more spiritual, have more faith, stop being so lazy, handle the RA better, (insert bad quality here)...you get the idea.
I get this way when I don't feel well. Do you?
So today is a day to relax and enjoy the rest God has given me. To find joy in the fact that I CAN take a sick day, I actually have a home to live in, there are pain pills that dull the aching, and people have learned to accept the dirty house and love me anyway. I have the joy of coffee, good friends, a good book, a warm quilt, and a working computer. I have a good doctor, a loving husband, great children, and five grandchildren who care more about me than about the shape the house is in.
And most of all, I have a God that loves me.
In short, I AM BLESSED.
1 comment:
I know. I really do understand. I also know about the longing to have everything working the way it used to - the way it is supposed to. Tough had roads to acceptance. I tell you,. my friend, I have said this over and over - I have to start each day being thankful for what I CAN do, for what is there, for what I have learned simply because the old way became impossible. Small things. Big things. And in the end, the way it has changed me. Never allow bitterness to get a toehold. We will triumph, Chris, and dance around Trafalgar Square one day. I believe.
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