Friday, October 02, 2009

I Wished Upon The Star Of Mundacity, And My Dreams Came True!

Oh, Interpeeps! Such blog fodder I have for you today!

The trip to the vet was Quite An Adventure.

Lizzie was just fine, thankyouverymuch, until she had to be lifted up onto that stainless steel table. Then all eight pounds of her started to shake and shiver all at once, and she became like a second skin to me.

In addition, she began emitting this odoriferous gas that could have put down a horse on the first inhale if you were in need of having a horse put down or anything like that.

You're welcome.

The vet came in and started going through her tightly curled doggy fur, and yes, we were the proud owners of Barnit and Bailflea's Traveling Circus.

More gas. More shivering.

Her temp was taken, and it was getting to the point where we were going to have to haul out the WWII Army surplus gas masks. Girlfriend had a SERIOUS problem. The more scared she got, the more gas she shot.

We opened the door to the exam room and an assistant came in to hold Lizzie while I turned my back. Dr. Vetster administered several shots and drew blood for a heartworm test, then told us it might be prudent to wait in the outer room where there was better ventilation.

I couldn't have agreed more. The air had begun to get more than a little thick.

I walked. Lizzie had her own jet pack to propel her out there.

I paid, got the meds we needed, and decided to take the Liz Monster home rather than suffering through her output in an enclosed car while The Boy got his hair cut. As it was we had to travel with the windows down the whole way home.

We dropped her off, I dropped The Boy off, and I was off to my own Amusement Park of the Suburban, Wal-Mart.

It was CROWDED for a Thursday night. Everybody and their brother needed something from Wal-Mart last night, or so it seemed. Then I found out the true treasure of the evening.

On Monday morning, they're shutting down part of our Wal-Mart in order to (be still my beating heart) TURN IT INTO A WAL-MART SUPER CENTER!!!



And so they were having a super-sale on bunches of stuff no one really needed or wanted but HAD to have. Two examples: I was inches away from picking up a food dehydrator for my vegetarian nephew for a Christmas gift when some hussy SNATCHED IT OUT OF MY HANDS!!! I almost wrestled her to the ground for it, but there wasn't any was covered with bargain hunters. In another case, I spotted one of those things you hang bananas on that sits on the counter. But before I could get to it, someone who is obviously a PROFESSIONAL SHOPPER that covets banana hooks levitated it over to her cart.

And so you see me, the dehydrator and banana hook-less wretch that I am today. I'm sure this will haunt me for the rest of my days.

Or not.

But enough about my shopping angst.

When y'all were still in diapers and this store was built, we hoped it would have groceries like some of the other MEGA-Wal-Marts. But the uppity-ups in the Wal-Mart world did not see fit to shine their smiling faces upon us. And lo, we were sad.

And we took out our sadness on them by shopping at the Hy Vee next door and the Price Chopper down the street. And it took them many, many years, but apparently the uppity-ups have seen the error of their ways and have decided that now we may, too, be worthy of spending more money on edible products in Wal-Mart stores instead.

Smooth move. And all this begins just before the Christmas season starts? I dunno, seems like you could've waited until January when it was slow, but that's just from someone who actually SPENDS MONEY THERE.

Lastly, and certainly leastly, I bought me a new ball of red cotton yarn.

And that's all I have to say about that.

1 comment:

Linds said...

Fleas. Vets. WalMart. You life is SO EXCITING!! Mine doesn't come close. Sigh. So this was about the bad gas, and 2 posts ago was the good gas, right????