Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Zip It, Will You?

I just broke the zipper in my pants.

I hate when that happens.

It's the middle of the day, and now I have to go through the rest of the day and act as though nothing is wrong, all the while making sure my front side is covered at all costs. Because OH! WHAT IF SOMEONE SAW MY UNDERWEAR???

It's not as if I wear bikini panties anymore or thongs and OH MY GOODNESS EVEN *I* CAN'T STAND THAT MENTAL PICTURE LALALALALALALALA.....

So as I travel out the door to the drugstore to pick up some prescriptions I will also be in search of safety pins. Big, honkin' safety pins. The ones that look like the diaper pins I used to use on the diapers of my dear son, Cutie's dad.

The ones I stabbed him with more than once. Purely unintentionally, I might add.

And then I will hie me to the bathroom and fasten up my pants the best I can so as not to cause the known world any embarrassment over my lack of coverage in certain areas. And then I will immediately have to pee. And so I will undo the huge, honkin' safety pins, stab myself repeatedly, and not be able to go when all is said and done.

Lather, rinse, repeat until the final whistle blows and I can go home tonight.

Because I am nothing if not uncomplicated and easy to get along with, even during the worst of circumstances.

When I get home these black pants will join their sister brown pants in the trash. Thankfully I purchased replacements only a couple of weeks ago. It's my uniform. If I could find navy pants I would be a happy camper, but it seems they no longer sell them.

As it is, I get my money's worth. I figure with All The Wearing I've gotten about five or six year's worth of wear out of this one pair. Not bad for $19.99.

Now if the zipper was just a little better quality....

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