Saturday, June 06, 2009

And Now, For A Bit Of Sanity

The kids have gone to the pool. I told them if they didn't I would become even more of a raving lunatic than usual and I would gobble like a turkey instead of speaking English for the remainder of the day.

They knew better than to test me. It's been quite a day.

Last night after the wedding we got back into the car only to find that the fan to the air conditioner had been running the entire time we were in the church. The car was turned off, the keys were in my purse, and yet the fan was running.

Thankfully, the car did start and we made it back to the hotel just fine. I called Hubster, who suggested we disconnect the positive cable on the battery to make sure it didn't run down due to the fan running all night. We went to Wal-Mart, bought some pliers, and came back to the hotel. I put the hood up and The Girl used her cell phone as a very poor flashlight to guide the way for me to loosen up the nut that held the cable.

But it would not budge.

I said things and used muscles my momma didn't even know I knew about to get that thing loose. Finally I decided to try to derail the stupid thing by disconnecting a fuse. No such luck. Then two Good Samaritans came along and even they couldn't help, although they did manage to lose a fuse for me.

We all gave up, I locked the car and we went to bed.

Please note: I said "locked the car" just now. That plays an integral part in the next chapter.

Fast forward to this morning.

The kids were still in bed when I got up. I brewed the complimentary cup of coffee provided by the hotel and ate the OH! SO NUTRITIOUS! little chocolate donuts we brought with us for breakfast. Then I went downstairs to see what could be done in the light of day about the car.

I knew I was in deep, dark water when I pressed the little doohickey to unlock the door and nothing happened.

"Well," says I. "I shall just unlock the car door with my handy-dandy KEY instead!"

Because there is more than one way to skin a cat and I am a cham-peen cat skinner.

Only the key, it would not unlock the door of my car. Because my key? It is the VALET KEY. It was clear this cat would keep its skin for the time being.

Honestly, it would be so funny if I was READING this instead of LIVING this. Really.

So being the industrious type, I called Hubster again. And there must have been a ton of blame in my tone, because I really didn't say it. I did not say it. HE DID.

"I know. If I was there I'd know what to do and how to do it and you wish I'd come along."

After nineteen years of marriage, that man can literally read. my. mind. It's uncanny. And he read it through all the tears and the expletives and everything. Imagine that.

From there I went to the front desk of the hotel. They called out a locksmith, who just happened to be able to jumpstart the car and replace the lost fuse and show me how to disconnect the cable and reconnect it again, all for the low, low price of $45. He was a gem. He also told me I need to replace my battery as soon as I get home because it's leaking and the alternator is doing all the work.

The joys, they are endless.

So the kids and I are trading off time going shopping, eating at different restaurants, and staying here resting and swimming. Whenever we go out we look a little trashy. We have to park, get out of the car, raise the hood, disconnect the battery cable, go do whatever it is we're going to do, raise the hood again, connect the battery cable and drive off.

Maybe we should charge admission.

Tonight is our last night here. Tomorrow a few sights, then we're headed home, God willin' and the battery don't die.

And life goes on....

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