Tuesday, June 03, 2008

The Weather Ain't All That's Severe

It's tornado season here in the Midwest. As such, it's Gloryland for weatherpersons on all local television channels. It's their time to shine, and they aren't about to give up the spotlight for love or money.

Not on your life.

Tonight, for instance, we're under a Severe Thunderstorm Warning. One station has a helicopter out taking pictures of the clouds that MIGHT turn into tornadoes IF the pressure goes a certain way and the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars on the second Tuesday of the third year of a vernal equinox if you're having meatloaf for dinner.

The other local stations are just as bad. The female weatherperson (far be it from me to call her a Weather Bunny, or any such other derogatory chauvinistic name) keeps saying the same thing in a variety of different ways. It is her mission in life to save lives, by golly, and that through the wonders of meteorology. Watching her, you would think a drop of rain and a gust of wind was the most dangerous thing since the H-bomb.

No wonder little children are scared out of their wits.

For those of us without cable or satellite (yes, there are those of us out there in the world, children), the viewing choices are mighty limited. We can choose from two channels that are broadcasting the same exact "up-to-the-minute coverage" of the Non-Tornado, two additional channels that are broadcasting identical "eye-witness coverage" of same, yet another two channels with twin broadcasts of "we're-there-for-you coverage" of the storm, a PBS station and an independent channel.

It's slim pickens 'round these parts.

Even Hubster, the King Of All Channel Flippers, can find nothing to watch. He's almost going into withdrawal as we speak. Were it not for a fire which was started by a lightning bolt from All The Severe Weather, he and the weather/news people would be in big trouble right now. As it is, Hubster has a certain glazed quality to his eyes. I'm thinking the portable defibrillator may be in order at any time.

It's almost enough to make a person wish for re-runs.


Linds said...

And what is the bet that with so many people bored out of their minds by blanket coverage of the weather that may or may not change, if there is a tornado, everyone will have switched off the tv and gone to bed. Just keep looking out that window, my friend. You are not to go for a jaunt in a whirlygig-thingamijig-vacuum cleaner. We want you right here and talking, thank you.

groovyoldlady said...

People keep asking me if I know what the weather will be like for the Trek. I always say, "I'll find out when I start getting my bike ready on Day 1. Then I'll repeat the scenarios on Days 2 and 3." I can't change the weather (If I could, it wouldn't have been 95ยบ today!), so there's no [point fretting over it - especially ahead of time when all those scientific predictions have a habit of falling flat.

Oh, and I not only don't have cable or satellite, I don't have the tv at all. my only weather comes from the homepage on my computer. I'd guess it to be correct about 1/3 of the time!