A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Doctor

In the never-ending parade of physicians I've seen this year, I managed to neglect one. The Neurologist. The man who finally conquered the Migraine Monster. My HERO. However, Dr. Hero has decided he no longer accepts my insurance. And he won't refill the Miracle Med for Migraine Relief without seeing me.

Bummer.

Because of this I had to delve back into the website my insurance company offers to find a new doc. I went, I picked one close to home (relatively speaking), I made the appointment for today.

Today it decided to rain. All. Day. Long.

Because of the rain, traffic was horrible. I drove what seemed like 20 miles in a virtual deluge. Monsoons had nuthin' on this rain. Streets were flooding, cars were hydroplaning, and a speedboat actually had the nerve to cut in front of me on the way there!

Not really. But did I mention it was wet?

In the middle of All The Rain I found I was running late. Just what you want to do when you're meeting someone for the first time. I took advantage of a stoplight and called the office to let them know my dilemna.

"Dawktah's office."

"Hi, my name is Singer, and I have a 5 p.m. appointment. I'm running late because of the rain and traffic, but I'll get there as soon as I can. I'm just crossing the bridge now."

Heavy sigh. "Awl right." Silence.

"OK, thanks. See you soon."

CLICK.

Personality plus, wouldn't you agree?

I arrive at the medical building with the address my up-to-date insurance company has given me, and find there is no doctor by that name. So out comes the cell phone again.

"Dawktah's office."

"Hi, yes...This is Singer again. I'm here, but I can't seem to find your office. I'm in the medical building at 5844, but the doctor isn't listed."

"Could be because we're at 5800. We've never had an office at 5844."

I get directions and get to the office in three minutes flat. The rain is coming down in buckets, and they're all dumping on me as I step out of the car and try to ford the river which used to be known as the parking lot.

I enter the office and speak to Ms. Personality. She hands me a sheaf of papers an inch thick to fill out, gives me a pen, and offers me the couch in the waiting room. And then I begin to write. And write. And write some more.

And all the while I'm writing, I'm thinking two things: 1. Why can't these offices come up with some sort of database on each patient so that the patient only has to write name, address, phone, birthdate, age, etc. ONE TIME instead of FIFTY TIMES??? The same with schools. It's a real pain in the patoot to fill out the same information over and over again. And then there's #2. Why on earth is this guy asking such prying questions from someone who just wants to get a refill?

Questions such as: Mother's name? Age? Describe your relationship with your mother. Would you consider it to be good? Bad?

Spouse's name, age? Are you currently having marital problems?

WHAT??? WHY DOES HE NEED TO KNOW ALL OF THIS STUFF??? ALL I WANT IS A PRESCRIPTION REFILLED, NOT THE SINGER INQUISITION!!!

And then the doctor called me back to his office. Not the nurse, not an assistant, but the doctor himself. As I went into his office I noticed there was no examination table, no white coat, no medicinal smell. There was simply a desk and chairs.

There was simply some kind of mistake here.

As he closed the door, I asked if he was indeed a neurologist. Because Interweblings, something was just not right in the state of Denmark, and being the super-sleuth I am, I decided to get to the crux of the biscuit right away.

"Why no," he answered.

Well then. Now we were getting somewhere.

"So, what IS your specialty then?" Nothing like getting right to the point.

"I'm a psychiatrist." he said. "A shrink."

Now here is about where my friend HeyJules says God lifted the veil and revealed to me what His Divine Purpose was for me being there. She's thought I needed one of these guys for years.

Maybe so, Jules. Maybe so.

BUT NOT TODAY!!

After I explained I merely wanted to get some prescriptions refilled, he was actually kind enough to write them out for me. He wanted me to know my trip was not totally in vain. I apologized for my insurance company and for his wasted time, and took off. No charge!

But the insurance company? The one I lauded in my last post?

They're gonna get a little lesson about keeping databases up-to-date and clean. Because who knows?

I might end up at the vet next time.