A Reluctant Student

It’s been one of those days.

You know the ones I’m talking about. The days when you just can’t get your mind focused on anything long enough to actually accomplish a task. The days when you wonder why you didn’t just stay in that nice, warm, cozy, comfy, snuggly bed, under those nice, warm, cozy, comfy, snuggly covers. The days you pray for rain, cold temperatures, a roaring fire, the quilt your grandmother made, and a really good book.

And quiet. Lots of quiet.

At 100 degrees today is anything but cold, and we haven’t seen rain for a while. If I lit a fire in the fireplace I’m afraid the spousal unit would have the nice men in white coats out after me in short order. He still thinks I’m a bit of a strange ranger for wanting to turn the air conditioning down to 68 degrees so that I can be comfortable turning my heated mattress pad up on high. He just doesn’t get the “snuggle thing” that I have.

Along with the high temperatures and the inability to focus has come a dry spell with my writing. Like the ground outside, my mind has become like that parched, cracked earth, just waiting for showers of inspiration from the Father.

At the same time I yearn for inspiration, I hesitate to actually ask for it. For when I ask, I know it means some sort of teaching is involved. To actually say those words “Teach me, Lord,” is a scary thing. I’ve done that before. Learning what He wants to teach me may involve experiencing things that can be less than pleasant on my part. Learning what He wants to teach me may involve going through times that may test my faith. Learning what He wants to teach me can be downright hard.

The bad part about it is that I just can’t have someone else do the learning for me. It doesn’t ring true if I write about what my neighbor learned from God. It seems hollow somehow. Distant. Fake. It seems as though I’m too involved with my own life to worry about what God has to say to ME. It seems like I couldn't care less about what God’s input is. “OK God, I’ve got it from here,” I seem to be saying. “After all, I’ve done such a great job by myself up until now, right?”

Wrong. Dead wrong.

Up until He came along I managed to screw things up pretty much any way I could. Even after He came along I had to learn things the hard way. Always wanting to retain control, I had to be constantly reminded of how very little control I actually had. Always wanting to be in charge of my life so that I could have the freedom to do as I pleased, I had to learn to give up my life to gain the true freedom that only He could give. Battles were fought within and without, until I finally surrendered - and won the victory.

So what will it be this time, Lord? What mountain will we climb together? What crevasse will we jump? What new land will we conquer in Your name?

Lead on!

TEACH ME, LORD.


Psalm 86:11
Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of heart, that I may honor you.
New Living Translation © 1996 Tyndale Charitable Trust