The Week That Was

It was a week best forgotten.

Relationship-wise, I could do nothing right.

I had misunderstandings with friends, acquaintances, relatives...you name it. If it had to do with a human being, there were problems. I think the kicker was Friday when the octogenarian laid into me for something someone else had actually done. It's bad enough being kicked when you're down, but being kicked by a little old lady when you're down is just WRONG.

I lost it. Dissolved into a blubbering mass of tears and shining beacon of a red nose, feeling sorry for myself for a good hour. The tears eventually ended. The red nose may take a while.

Of course, it didn't help that it's been 157 degrees in the shade here for the past two weeks. It didn't help that the ozone layer has caused my allergies to go into major overload and the resulting sinus headache over the past week has been more than any sane person would be able to put up with for an extended period of time. It didn't help that I haven't been able to have any vacation time this year, or any time away, alone with God.

Would I like a little cheese with my whine?

So big deal. So I had a bad week. It happens. But good things happened as well.

In every instance...EVERY INSTANCE...of tension, God was honored. I won't take credit for being the one who did the honoring every time, although I did eventually come around to it. I am thankful for godly friends who did their part in the resolution process, making sure God's precepts were followed.

In the past, I would've been the type of person who would stuff my anger and hurt inside. I'd never let the person who hurt me know, but I'd hold it against them. "I'll show them!" I'd say. Of course, I would be the one who was ultimately hurt even more in the process.

Now, even though it's scary, I try to wait until the anger has subsided to let the person know how I feel. It doesn't always work, but I try to clear the air. By the same token, if I've hurt someone and I know it, I try to talk it out with them as well. I hate to have something between me and another person. It eats at me constantly until it's resolved.

I think God intended it to be that way with His children. Forgiveness is important to Him. So much so that His Word says if we don't forgive, we won't be forgiven! I don't know about you, but I sure don't want to take that chance.

And then there's the way unforgiveness hinders other aspects of our spiritual lives. Take worship for instance.

The odd thing about a song is it's hard to sing it in worship when you have something you're holding inside in anger against someone else. How can you sing about love and grace and mercy and peace when all your heart is thinking about is anger and retribution and stress and unforgiveness? It's really difficult to sing a worship song with clenched teeth and balled-up fists. I know I'd have a problem with my husband serenading me about his undying love, while he was at the same time acting as if he'd like to punch someone out. The same goes for worship.

Ever try to take communion when you're angry at someone? It's hard to concentrate on the sacrifices He made, to remember those sacrifices in the proper way, when all I'm worried about is why Gertrude said I looked fat in the new pair of capris I just bought at Target this week, and who does she think she is, anyway? She's no great looker herself, and with that ratty, bleached blonde hair... oh, and pass the grape juice, will you?

Why wait to make things right with someone? How hard is it to make a call, to take the initiative, to take the first step? How hard is it to be the person who forgives? How hard is it to LET THE OTHER PERSON WIN...even if they were wrong? How hard is it to be the person who begins the healing, rather than the person who continues to have the festering wounds?

Is it worth losing the people you care about? Is it worth losing yourself?

Don't get me wrong. A lot of times forgiveness takes work. Lots of work. It takes humbling yourself, both before men and God. But in the end it's oh, so very worth it.

And the best part is what you gain.

Matthew 6:14-15
If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. (NLT)

Mark 11:25-26
And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.
(New King James Version © 1982 Thomas Nelson)